people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
