No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
