Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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