Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
