youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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