Whod you bang
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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