Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
