Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
