he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How naked do you want me to be?
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