I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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