16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
