I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
