I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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