We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
