it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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