C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
