and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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