I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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