i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
