that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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