i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
