I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
