Me too!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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