What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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