Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have fence marks all over my body
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
