I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
