if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
