I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
