When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
