Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My cat gives me a boner
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
