no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
