and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
