He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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