That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
