He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
