I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
