So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
