Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
