I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
