I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
