Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
