I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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