If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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