Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
