I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
