Dual....:-)
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
