1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
