i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
