you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
