Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
