Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He passed out mid-signature
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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