You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
