just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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